WEEKLY RANT…LAS VEGAS

One good thing about having my own blog is I can vent whenever I want to. The title reads weekly rant. Don’t worry readers, this will not be a weekly occurrence. Otherwise, this blog would just be an old man ranting every week. “Back in my day…” Trust me, it won’t come to that. But every so often something irks me and I have to express my opinion. Last week I took a little mini vacation to Las Vegas. I love the old Las Vegas of my youth. This new Las Vegas irks me.

I can still remember my first trip to Vegas. It was in ‘78 or ‘79. I may not have even been 21 at the time. A buddy and I got off work on Friday at around 10:00 o’clock in the evening. We grabbed a change of clothes, I think, or maybe not. Give me a break. I was barely out of my teens and grooming wasn’t high on my list of priorities. We jumped in my 1974 Chevy Nova, the one with the 350 V8 engine, and headed out on Hwy 15. I remember we hit that lonely stretch of road between Baker and Las Vegas. From Baker it’s about 60 miles to the Nevada border. Sixty miles of two-lane blacktop on a dark moonless night. The right lane was an unbroken line of trucks heading into Vegas. But the left Lane was wide open. I had that baby floored and we’re flying down that road with the speedometer pegged at 120 miles an hour. That’s the equivalent of passing all the vehicles on the right at 60 miles an hour. Just for kicks and giggles, and possibly to scare the you-know-what out of my passenger, I would turn the headlights off and see how far I could go before flicking them back on. I think he may have wet his pants a little. With all the stupid stuff I did in my youth, I’m surprised I’m still alive.

We got into town and stopped at the first casino we came to. I believe it was called the Silver Bird, Silver Slipper, Silver something-or-other. I don’t really recall the name. What I do remember is walking up to a slot machine and putting a dollar in it and winning $10. I was hooked. Vegas was mine to conquer and this was going to be a piece of cake. Since then I’ve put so much money into that town they should name a casino after me.

Back in those days many of the iconic hotel casinos still existed. The Dunes, The Sands, The Aladdin, The Desert Inn, The Stardust! All gone now, most brought down in spectacular fashion. It was the end of the mob era in Las Vegas, although I don’t think the mob, or anybody, was really aware of it. It was one of those moments that no one knew was a moment. It’s only in retrospect that you go ahhh so that was the end. But for a while yet, the Mob still had a large, though dwindling, stake in Vegas. At one time or another they controlled all of the above-mentioned establishments. Surprisingly, the mob ran, for the most part, honest games in their casinos. They were smart enough to realize that if they cheated their customers it would be bad for business. Where they made their money was skimming the profits and not reporting them to the government. And more than one casino manager came to a bad end for skimming the profits and not reporting them to the mob.

In the 90s Las Vegas began to change. With the mob influence gone Vegas tried to reinvent itself as family friendly. They went on a huge spending spree building new themed casinos. MGM Resorts lead the way with the construction of The Mirage, going up in 1989 followed by the Excalibur in 1990. The Luxor and Treasure Island came in ‘93 while The Strat and Park MGM followed in ‘96. 1997 and ‘98 saw the addition of New York, New York and The Bellagio. Everything rounded out in 1999 with Mandalay Bay, The Venetian, and Paris. MGM Resorts is still the largest casino owner on the Strip. It was gross. Roller coasters, volcanoes, water features, none of that has a place in Las Vegas. Vegas is where you go to get away from your kids, not to entertain them. But they are there now and, apparently, there to stay.

The casinos of the 80s were dark smoky affairs, especially downtown. Scantily clad waitresses made the rounds serving free, albeit watered down, drinks to anybody at a slot machine or gaming table. Not a whole lot different from what it is today. The big difference is the cost of gambling. Back then you could still find $2 and $3 blackjack tables on the strip. In the evenings and weekends they might bump those up to $5 but you could still go to the Circus Circus or head downtown and find plenty of cheap tables. The same was true of craps and roulette. Starting in the ‘90s they phased out the cheap tables on the strip. Everything was $5. That was okay, $5 wasn’t a lot of money and if you wanted to gamble on a budget you could still go downtown. Although downtown was beginning to see fewer of the cheap tables as well, which meant when you found one the line to play might be three deep. Then they raised the minimum bet to $10. That’s starting to get expensive. At a $5 table you can throw a $50 bill out there and probably play for a few hours. At a $10 table that $50 bill goes very quickly. On this recent trip most of the tables were now $15. At that price you can lose a lot of money real fast. Three consecutive  losing  hands and you’re pulling another $50 out of your wallet. Even when I could find a $10 table there was hardly any seating and usually at around 4:00 or 5:00 o’clock in the afternoon the casino raises those tables to $15. I didn’t even see any $5 tables downtown although I’m sure they’re still there somewhere.

Food is another thing that has changed in Las Vegas. Back in the day you could get a complete prime rib dinner very inexpensively at pretty much any casino in town. Vegas was also known for its great inexpensive buffets. Most casinos also offered $1 shrimp cocktails or $1 hotdogs. When the mob ran things I guess they figured cheap food and cheap rooms would get the clientele there. If they broke even or even lost a little money in those areas they would more than make up for it in the casino. Not anymore! Now Vegas is run by accountants. Every department has to make a profit. That means you’re going to pay $20 or more for a prime rib dinner. Usually more. The hotel has to make a profit too so room rates have gone up. Used to be you could get pretty good deals on rooms in Vegas if you went midweek but not anymore. I guess they figure you’re in town, you need to eat, you need a place to sleep so why not charge a premium. Except, in many cases, they have gone above and beyond. I stayed at the Treasure Island and one morning had breakfast at the coffee shop in the hotel. I had, what was essentially, a Denny’s Grand Slam except it had four pancakes instead of two. The cost on that meal was 30 bucks. I can get the same thing at Denny’s for half that. The buffets are the same way. It was nice to go to Vegas and be able to eat and sleep on the cheap while you gambled. I don’t mind paying higher prices, but it’s to the point Las Vegas is just overpriced.

There are some other things in this new Las Vegas that I am not particularly fond of either. For one, the entire town smells like cannabis. It’s like a cloud of the stuff has just settled on the town and sits there in a permanent holding pattern. You can’t help but get a contact high just walking around the Strip. I can deal with that but when I step out of my hotel room into the hallway and it smells like cannabis that’s a bit much. I was hoping downtown would be better, and it was, but only marginally. The smell was still there.

The way the tourists, mainly the women, are dressed also has gotten out of control. I guess this is where I start to sound like a cranky old man. I can remember walking around downtown Vegas and there were scantily clad showgirls standing outside many of the casinos enticing the. tourists to come in. I’m not a prude and I like young ladies showing off a lot of skin as much as the next guy. But now a lot of the girls that are just in town to visit, i.e. the tourists, are walking around and showing more skin than the show girls. And it may be the styles today but most of them look like hookers. There is a time and a place for that but come on, there are a lot of little kids walking around there as well.

Street performers! Downtown has always had their share of those. I remember some years back my wife and I were there and this guy had pulled up in a pickup truck that had two huge amplifiers in the bed. He wore a long black trench coat as this was an evening in February and it was kind of chilly out. Mounted by his tailgate were an alto, tenor, add bass saxophone. The saxophone is my favorite instrument and it is on my bucket list to learn how to play it before I go to that great casino in the sky. Anyways, he was playing various tunes on each of the different instruments. The music was blasting out the amplifiers and you hear it all over Fremont Street, which attracted a large crowd. He was really very good. Now it just so happened that I was wearing a coat that was almost identical to his. As he finished a song and was swapping instruments I yelled out “Nice coat.” He turns around and looks me up and down, then, without saying a word, reaches out to hand me the alto sax. I just laughed and said, “Sorry man, I don’t play.” I always thought it would have been cool if I did know how to play and I just took the instrument from him and the two of us started jamming in front of the crowd. Nowadays there is still some talent on the street. While I was there last weekend I watched a kid, who couldn’t have been more than seven years old, jamming on the drums. He was extremely talented as evidenced by the large crowd watching his performance. I also saw a guy doing some of the most amazing contortions with his body. At one point he was balancing on one hand with his body parallel to the ground. He really belonged in a Cirque du Soleil show. Another gentleman was performing close up hand magic. I’ve always been a fan of magic acts. All of these acts are there for the sole purpose of earning tip money. I’m sure some of the more talented acts do very well. Then there was the guy standing there holding a sign that simply read ‘I’m here to look, not touch.’ That flipped down to read ‘Nice boobies’, which then flipped down to read ‘nice camel toe.’ Kind of funny but not much in the way of talent. Worse yet were the two young ladies whose sole talent it seemed, was to place black electrical tape over their nipples while wearing thongs that really did show off their camel toe. You get to take your picture with them for a tip. Well sex must sell because they were doing a booming business. But again ladies, little kids.

On the subject of talent that’s another thing I miss. Back in the 80s you could still see performers like Lola Falana, Charo, Tom Jones, Don Rickles, Wayne Newton, and even Frank Sinatra at the end of his career. Even though the rat pack was ancient history by then Frank could still bring it. This really isn’t a rant as much as it is a memorial. Nobody lives forever. Some of the acts today are probably every bit as good as those I mentioned. But just mention Wayne Newton or Don Rickles or Frank Sinatra and you get visions of Las Vegas. Heck, Wayne Newton is known as Mr. Las Vegas. To be fair there are plenty of excellent shows in Las Vegas today. I’ve seen two of the Cirque du Soleil shows that are permanently headlining in Las Vegas. They’re really quite incredible. I mentioned I love magic and David Copperfield seems to be in Vegas all the time. I’ve never been a fan of Carrot Top but many are. Penn and Teller have also been headlining for years it seems.

I don’t want to give the impression that I had a bad time in Las Vegas. It is, after all, Las Vegas. Probably one of the few places in the world where you can lose money and still have fun. I’m not a fan of many of the changes but change is inevitable. Either you accept it and move on or you stop going altogether. I’ll take the former. And, on this particular trip, I actually came out ahead at the tables. One thing that was new for me on this trip was my discovery of the mob museum located on Stewart St. in downtown Las Vegas. I never knew the place existed and at $29.50, admission is reasonable. The building is 3 floors and the self-guided tour starts on the top floor and ends in the basement Speakeasy. It tells the history of the mob in America through displays of memorabilia and interactive movie videos. One of the coolest things, I thought, was the actual wall reconstructed from the original bricks from the Saint Valentine’s Day massacre in Chicago. I spent three hours there and never did get to the Speakeasy. I found the museum completely by accident while I was driving around looking for a parking spot. I arrived mid-afternoon and wanted to get over to Fremont Street, otherwise I could have easily spent another three hours there. Another cool thing is the Fremont Street Experience located downtown. That went up in 1994 and is one of the few things they have gotten right as of late. When I started going to Vegas Fremont Street was still, well, a street and downtown was more of an afterthought than an actual destination. The FSE changed all that for the better. I do miss the girls in Glitter Gulch though. Regarding my rant on the high price of eating in Las Vegas. To be fair there are still inexpensive places to eat. You just have to know where to look. If all else fails talk to somebody that lives there. One of the dealers or cocktail waitresses should be able to direct you to some of the favorite hangouts of the locals. I do want to put in a plug for Battista’s Hole In The Wall. It’s an Italian restaurant, very good quality food, located on Linq Ln. just off of Flamingo. I’m not getting any kind of a commission for mentioning them. I’ve eaten there a couple of times and really enjoyed myself and the food. Unfortunately, I didn’t make it this time.

In conclusion, Las Vegas is as Las Vegas has always been. It’s loud! It’s gaudy! It’s showy! It’s unashamedly sexist! It’s smoky, although I can do without the smell of the smoke! It is more expensive but then, so is everything else. There are more kids there but Vegas is ultimately finding a balance between the casinos of the 80s and the themed hotels of the 90s. I go there mostly to gamble and take in the occasional show but there’s so much more to do. They offer helicopter rides, tours of Hoover Dam, there’s the mob museum, and Vegas is a starting point for white water rafting down the Grand Canyon, something I have done and which I may blog about in the future. And plenty more.

I am remiss in giving credit where credit is due. When I first started this blog I was searching for a name but couldn’t come up with anything I liked. I threw it up to all my friends on Facebook and Tina Jones suggested the REAL PITCH. She also suggested about 10 other titles as well, all of them good, but this was the best of the lot. So a big shout out to my pal Tina Jones and thanks.

Next week I’m going to turn my attention to baseball. I want to look at some of the new rules baseball has instituted. New baseball rules. Do we really need a runner on second base in extra innings?